TORN — My Cumback

I was horny. Maybe hornier than I’d ever been before. My personal sex life was at an all-time low, and I needed to be satisfied. Everything seemed to turn me on. I fantasized about having sex with every person I had contact with. I masturbated ten plus times a day. Hell, I even got creative with vegetables and kitchen gadgets. Something had to be done. That’s what prompted me to make my porn comeback — after thirteen years since my previous adult movie. It was 1999. It was a decision that just seemed right. I felt good, I looked good, and I knew that the only way to satisfy my lust was to satisfy my fantasies, and the only place I could do that (safely) was back home with my porn people.

I approached the three biggest adult film companies at the time, Vivid, Wicked, and VCA. I told them I was ready, willing and able. When told my asking price Vivid said to come back after I got offers from the other companies. I thought that maybe since I was the girl who put Vivid on the map there would still be warm and fuzzies. I was wrong. I approached the owner of Wicked who told me he would never pay anyone more than he had paid Jenna Jameson. I was ready and willing, but not willing to settle for less.

Finally, I set up a meeting with my old friend Russ Hampshire, owner of VCA, and actually somewhat to my surprise, I knew the moment I walked into the offices I was home.

Russ was doing big budget, high quality films, and that’s what I wanted to do. Russ was kind, respectful and fair. We talked. We reminisced. We laughed, and then we came to a deal. Russ also threw in a bonus: He let me have Jane Hamilton (Veronica Hart) as my first director. I’d fallen in love with Janey when we worked together on a low-budget B movie (with a lot of heart) called Cleo & Leo. Janey brilliantly played a man who was trapped in a woman’s body, and I played her/his love interest. We became instant friends, and now she was going to be directing me in my first adult film in more than a decade.

The next thing I did was to call my longtime friend and lover Beth Ann to help me come up with a story concept and a script. As with many of my earlier projects, I was involved from beginning to end — as it were. This was a big deal to me. I was coming back into an industry that I basically grew up in.

And I was excited. And I was nervous. And I was a little bit scared.

I didn’t have concerns about competing with the new girls, just the opposite, in fact. I was turned on by the thought of having sex with hot new chicks. I was, however, worried about competing with myself from thirteen years ago. Would I still be good at what I loved doing? Would my fans be happy I was back, or would they think I was too old? Would the reality live up to my insistent fantasy?

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  1. Torn was not just your best movie ever it is one of the best ever made in my humble opinion only thing to make it better would have been a Ginger Lynn, Christy Canyon, Barbara Dare threesome!!!

  2. Your great at everything …………. You have such class and intelligence. Either company you choose, will be lucky to have you . You have given so much over the years . Only you could come from this industry and cross over to music and tv with such grace . I still remember the days of danger/danger doing your ginger snaps !!!!! Love You !!!

    • Thank you Jim! But the story was about my comeback in 1999. Not now. I am most definitely retired now. You can find me behind the camera these days…

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